So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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