So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
