he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
