Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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