This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
