He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
