I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
