If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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