3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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