maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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