hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
