My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
