I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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