pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
