It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
