So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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