New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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