You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
