my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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