Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
