my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
