Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
