Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
