How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
