Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
