He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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