Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
where are my eyebrows?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
