And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
