Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
