Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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