Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
