I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
