Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
