Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
