so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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