nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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