Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
