Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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