I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
