Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
