we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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