Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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