My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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