i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
