someone get that fucking seahorse.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
