My first STD was from a foam party
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
