While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
