Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
