dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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