i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize