im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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