I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
