sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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