i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize