This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
