So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I had to cum in my sink.
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