My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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