Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i wish my penis had a tongue
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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