Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize