i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize