I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
