Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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